Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize