She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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