You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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