I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
