Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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