I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
