my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
