Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
