was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
