forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
