I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i was born a porn star she said
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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