biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Go christen that room with your naked body.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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