i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
