If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
