my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
