Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
