Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
