he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
where am i from again
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
