Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
