are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
