We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize