I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
