I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
