I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
