apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
