i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
