I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
