you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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