I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
