The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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