She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
