Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
