Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
