people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
