I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
