...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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