I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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