Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
