I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
