I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your penis caused this!
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