$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize