I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
