the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
