Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
