youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
