I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
