and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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