Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
