We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
