Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
