What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
