In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
