Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize