new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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