Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
