Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
