Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
