Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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