So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
