remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
