Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
