Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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