Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize