And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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