Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
