My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
