I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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