i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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