At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
