They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
