I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
