She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
